Listening to Understand Is A Part of Connection

Remote coaching can be beneficial. There are some challenges and it is true it is not for everyone. However, there are several ways remote coaching can help and Warwick Schiller shared some tips and tricks from the folks that are using his online training material.

Some of us that have had less than desirable experiences in the equine industry can tend to shy away from in-person interaction. This is normal and this is exponentially understandable for those with PTSD/C-PTSD when moral injury has been a part of the journey.

There are all kinds of personalities in every system we are a part of and when we experience something opposite of the safe spaces we thought we would have with a certain group, it can be disenchanting, demoralizing, frustrating, and aggravating. It's okay that we feel that way and those feelings are valid and real.

It is also important to check the stories we can be telling ourselves as a result of that experience. Were there expectations of catering to the group hand-and-foot? Was there condescending retorts that were unkind and abusive? Was stalking experienced? Was there group mobbing and was the target's horse being treated unkind as a result of those harmful biases?

Those are all abusive and stalking is illegal. While those behaviors were oppositional to a kind welcoming into the equine industry, and while there can be a reputation that horse people are 'crazy,' there are several of us that do our best to be a better representation of the people we are striving to be.

Horsemanship, when applied in a manner of self-awareness, growth, and recovery is more about changing ourselves to change our horses. It's a continuous path toward transmutation and agency reclamation. It's a humbling experience in learning how to listen to understand without judgement.

This also requires us to be open and willing to expose our vulnerabilities. Brené Brown teaches that courage cannot exist without vulnerability. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable requires safe spaces and this is what the horses need from us as much as we need it from others.

Us humans have the luxury of changing our circle of influence. Meaning, we have options we can choose to be able to rise to the opportunity of overcoming bullies, abusive personalities, and critics who are demonstrating their insecurities by trying to demoralize others with shame.

Sometimes, remote learning is the answer until we can find the right tribe that is trustworthy enough to allow our vulnerabilities through so we can turn weaknesses into strengths. It does require knowing our top 5-10 values, what our weaknesses are, what our strengths are, and what our dependable strengths have always been.

Dependable strengths are our reliable tools that get us through the tough times. These are not harmful habits, they are healthy habits that we have instinctively turned to in strife. Most of us have them AND what other people say "SHOULD," and "MUST" be recognized dependable strengths are falsehoods. We get to decide what our strengths are and where we pull energy from is our decision. 

As boundaries are reinforced, there will be several folks that enjoy pushing boundaries with an insistence they 'know better,' than us. That's also a falsehood. There are many truths and neuroplasticity is about recognizing them. There isn't a single person out there that has all the answers. Find your own because this is your journey.